The Way it is with Friends

Wouldn't you know it? Just as I expected, insight struck me when I just couldn't write. With five minutes left in swim class, parents started filtering in for the next session and that's when I heard it. The brash, uncaring, mocking voice of another mother. I found myself tempted to turn around and tell her, as rudely as she had spoken to her own children, to shut up. I had all sorts of profanity free insults to throw her way, but I kept my mouth closed. I hid behind my sunglasses, rolling my eyes at her extraordinarily unloving approach to parenting. I can't say beyond a shadow of a doubt that 'pool mom' really meant to be nasty to her children and my thoughts don't revolve around that mom in particular, but around all of us moms as a whole. The question I found myself asking as I watched the stream of parents trickle into the local pool was this, "You love your kids, but do you like them?"

You know how it is with your best friends, you choose to like them and look past their neurotic tendencies. You choose to accept them for whoever they are and stand by them regardless. What I don't understand is why more moms don't approach their kids with that same sense of acceptance and choose to 'like' being with the little people that are part them? I know the argument, 'you can't be friends with your kids.' I completely disagree. In fact, I argue that you MUST be friends with your kids. In the end they must understand that you will make the decisions to keep them safe and traveling the right path in life, but if you and your children don't have a genuine, mutual respect and caring for one another, beyond the required parent/child genetic love bond, they may turn to someone else later in life (as a friend) who will give them a lesson you may not want them taught.

I know I am not perfect. But I will strive, every day until I die, to have a bond with my children that demonstrates compassion, understanding, love, and genuine friendship. I was once told that I like my kids too much. I have never been able to comprehend that statement. How could I not like them? They are, alongside my mom and Granny (may she rest in peace), the best friends I can imagine. We do nearly everything together, we laugh together, we get frustrated together, we eat and shop together. We celebrate success and talk about how to be better next time. I tell them when they are champions and they tell me when I make a good meal. So when I hear the old saying, "I'm your mother, not your friend", I will cringe a little on the inside and repeat my alteration to that statement: "I am your mother and best friend you will ever know."

Posted with Blogsy

The 35 year Old and a Temper Tantrum

I love coffee. I'm not over the edge obsessed with it. I stop (on most days) with my one mug of a dreamy home brewed concoction: 1 cup coffee and 2/3 cup chocolate almond milk, in the morning. But when I get to that last sip, the one where I know my mug will be empty until I refill it in the morning, I hold back the sigh that so eagerly tries to push its way out. For I know that I must set a good example for my five year old twins. No whining, no pouting, no stomping your feet. Though on the inside I am having just about the biggest fit you can imagine. But what kind of role model would I be if I let it all out? Can you invision a 35 year old throwing her vacuum sealed coffee mug to the ground in protest of its emptiness? What would the children think? It would be bad. It would be very, very, bad. Fortunately for them (and I suppose for me) I have pretty good self-control.

It's one of the many things I am good at. Self-control, analyzing the behavior of others, parenting, having a strong opinion, putting my matter of fact thoughts on paper. Yes, I am good at all of these things. However, being the modest person I am, telling you I'm good at those things makes me feel as though I am bragging. I feel like I need to tell you all the things I am not good just to be fair. There is a pretty hefty listing some of which are: creative writing (I always wish I could write about far away places populated with magical creatures, but alas I cannot), keeping my house as organized as my mom always could, getting up early in the morning for the daybreak run that I know would make me feel awesome, singing, planning vacations. When I meet people who can do any one of those things I am in awe. I suppose we can only try to cultivate our strengths and grow from our shortfalls, I can't expect to be able to do everything perfectly, or even well.

Accepting that I can't do it all (it's probably better than none of us try), I will do the best I can and share it with you (I probably should add 'over-share' to my list of shortfalls and strengths- that could be in the eye of the beholder I suppose.) Hopefully I will be near a writing device when a moment of clarity strikes and I want to share. (Doesn't clarity usually strike when you are driving and can't write it down?) One day my thoughts on parenting, the next day a critical analysis of my latest read. Who knows that might come to me and my over friendly mind (it could be something really good!) After I've cultivated the strengths, I will do my best to keep my house orderly, be happy if I get up early once in a while for a peaceful morning run, sing along with the music anyway, and be thankful my husband plans our vacations. And of course, I will enjoy that steamy cup of coffee with a smile, looking forward to doing it all over again tomorrow.

Posted with Blogsy